Illuminira Consulting LLC

I started this week with some powerful meetings that all seemed to circle back to one crucial theme: Communication. Monday was spent thinking about: How do we truly connect? How do we navigate difficult conversations? How do we avoid getting lost in misunderstandings?

Getting on the Same Page

If we don’t agree on what the problem is that we are trying to solve, how can we get to real solutions?

Here’s a trick I’ve learned over the years – Don’t assume everyone understands the problem. Instead,

• Step 1: Ask people to clarify the issue in their own words for you.
• Step 2: Double-check your understanding by inquiring, “Am I understanding correctly that the problem is XYZ?”
• Step 3: Repeat 1 and 2 until you and the other party is starting from the same place!

It sounds simple, but it’s amazing how often we think we’re talking about the same thing as someone else, when we’re actually not. Conversely, we sometimes think our position and another persons position is way off, when infact we are addressing the same thing.

Embracing the Uncomfortable

Let’s be real – not every conversation is going to be comfortable (btw, who told you that would be the case?). We all have blind spots, and lived-experience that we take into any conversation, so difficult topics can feel like walking through a minefield.

My advice?

1. Recognize when and why you feel uncomfortable. Is it due to the topic, is it due to the setting, is it due to the other party? Is it something else?
2. Extend some grace – to others and to yourself. It IS ok to feel uncomfortable sometimes, and there are healthy ways to combat that. We are ALL learning, growing, and adapting, as we go.
3. Remember that you are never too young, or too old to gain new insight or change your perspective due to new information. This does not make you “wishy-washy”, this makes you responsive and a critical thinker. Two very important skills for the workforce (and life).
4. At times, you may also need to re-set when a conversation is no longer an exchange of ideas, or has broken down, or gets too heated. There is nothing wrong with stepping back and taking a break to let the temperature lower. In fact I highly recommend doing that. Nothing positive has ever come from a highly-charged emotional eruption.

Building on understanding

I’ve found creating a “Framing Document” incredibly helpful in increasing understanding during complex communications. I’ve done this with both 1:1 and group settings. It’s simple one-pager with 4 sections, and is basically a way to visually lay out,

• The actual problem we are facing. This is the “problem statement”.
• What are we trying to achieve in terms of a solution?
• What questions do we have, or what do we need to know to get to the solution?
• What decisions need to be made. or what information are we missing to get to the solution?

This expands on the idea of getting on the same page, but also extends into guidelines around how to get to solutions (not the actual solution). It is easy to get flustered and caught up in alot of details, but the approach of framing your conversations really helps cut a path ahead to solutions and solving problems.

Take aways

I am going to continue to be conscious of the ways in which I communicate – because it is so foundational to building relationships and connecting with people. If you’d like to be a better communicator, the key is to keep practicing, keep listening, and approach each conversation with curiosity and compassion. We’ve all got to start somewhere. And hey, it’s only Tuesday!